Nihongo Baby!

Osaka

We arrived in Kansai Airport in Osaka at 7am after a solid 36 hours of flights, stop-overs and transfers which included only about 5 hours of sketchy airport/aeroplane sleep. After some friendly pat downs in customs walked out into what felt like an arctic winter after 9 weeks in equatorial Asia. Kansai is that cool airport you always see on the discovery channel which is built on a man made island in Osaka harbour. The wind was howling off the sea, it was raining and we were dressed for the beach.

The differences between Japan and everywhere else we had been were instantly apparent. Everything was spotless. I went to the bathroom in the airport, the water and soap were automatically dispensed then on the way out a pre-recorded voice thanked me and told me to have a nice day (I think!). We brought bus tickets from an automated machine, waited a few minutes for our bus which turned up bang on schedule, then two little Japanese men loaded our bags and issued us luggage receipts. A far cry from India where you buy a ticket from a dodgy looking man, stand around for an hour, get on a bus that looks like it probably wont make it and have your bags thrown in a dirty hold with a cage of chickens!

At that point we drove into Osaka, met Jamie who shambled hungover out of a McDonalds and got a number of clean, efficient, timely trains to our place in Kobe. We didnt actually see Osaka properly until a few days later when we had to make an appearance at the head office of the evil corporation for which we are now employees. Downtown Osaka is all about the bright lights and the bling. I always thought Bono from U2 was a bit of a dick for wearing his sunnies inside, but you can probably justify it here. Went for a wander down Namba mall which is a few kilometres of shops interspersed with huge billboards for Suntory Whisky or the Spiderman 3 movie. The are all sorts of people about from old women in Kimonos to young guys/girls who look like they have walked out of a Japanese cartoon (big hair, elaborate clothes/makeup).

Kobe

Kobe is cool. It`s 40 mins or so out of Osaka (although the buildings and houses dont actually stop) in and around hills. It still has that big city feel yet it is much nicer and way more chilled out than Osaka. The centre is an area called Sannomiya which is where all the businesses and bars are. Most nights they have live bands playing in the centre and everyone around is really friendly. We live 15 minutes by train in a suburb called Nagata.

Nagata

Nagata is quiet, really quiet. Most of the people living there are elderly and there isnt a bar to be found. It is really nice due to the fact that most of the buildings here were levelled in the earthquake 10 years back so have been re-built. Nagata is at the bottom of the hills so there are plenty of places to go for a run and check out the views of the city while running through native bush. We`ve got a few favourite supermarkets and convenience stores that we frequent, so it looks like life`s going to be a little more domesticated for the next month or so.

El Casa de Grande

I`ve lived in some bad houses in my time, but nothing like this! Our apartment itself is really nice probably under a year old, its weak point however is that it is tiny. In fact get a thesaurus, look for a word that is smaller than tiny and you`re getting close. It`s cramped for one person, so with three of us in there it`s packed. The best way to describe it is a camper van that`s not going anywhere. We have on main room which covers the functions of: lounge, dining room, living area and Jamie`s bedroom. Above the lounge, up a grand staircase/ladder is the loft, a.k.a Marcus and Kev`s room. As the loft is only maybe 80cm in height you have to crawl in, rotate then lie down. Fortunately the loft goes back quite a way so we do have our own sleeping space each. We have an entrance way which also doubles as: hallway, laundry and kitchen (the kitchen is a small alcove with a sink and two elements). The only remaining feature in the mansion is a door off the grand hall with a toilet and shower inside.

In saying all this it has been pretty fun living in close communal quarters. You can have a conversation with anyone in the house from any point as you are never far away from each other! Also, the tree-hut/fort-like novelty of sleeping in a loft hasnt worn off yet either!


Nova

On Monday we turned up at the head office for Nova Kobe, along with an Aussie girl, to start our training for English teaching. It's situated right near the train station in Sannomiya. And unfortunately, that's pretty much the best thing about it. Training lasted three days, today is our first proper shift. It became apparent fairly quickly that there are two types of people working there; those that are going to be there for a year at most and those that are trying to make a career out of it. Those lifers that are in for the long haul think it's the best thing imaginable and their unabated exuberance is quite possibly a mild form of psychosis.

Regimented doesn't even begin to describe the atmosphere there. The people are friendly enough, especially the Japanese staff but the protocols are overbearing to say the least. On the one hand it does make it easy to learn and teach, as everything you need to do is written out to the letter. But the rules seem a bit over the top. First day in, the Aussie girl was told she would have to change her walking shoes before she arrived in the office. Second day in, Kev was told his hair needed a cut. Can't wait to see what's next. If you look past all the rules and regs, the teaching itself can actually be quite enjoyable though, depending on what level students you get. The really high-level and the really low-level are the hardest to teach. Neither of us would like to do it for a year or full-time. However, since we're going to be bailing on them in a couple of months it shouldn't pose much of a problem...

Random Bits and Pieces

Here's a few random bits of info...

There are vending machines everywhere here. On the streets, in the subway stations, in malls and shops, airports or anywhere else you might be you can get everything from a drink (hot or cold) or cigarettes to batteries or underwear from a vending machine.

We love the bow. The Japanese are incredibly polite people and everywhere we go there's somebody prepared to give us a bow. The cashiers at the supermarkets do it, the waitresses in the restaurants do it, even people wandering down the street do it. Awesome.

Everybody takes there jobs quite seriously here and performs it as well as they can. It doesn't matter if you're a street sweeper or a business man, you put the same effort in to your job. Our personal favourites are the parking garage wardens and in particular one in Nagata that we see everyday. This tiny lady is constantly looking back and forth checking for cars and pedestrians and always double or triple checks before letting a car out of the garage. She has got a series of well practiced hand gestures for every possible situation and she never fails to crack us up.

The general efficiency of this place is amazing. Trains (and people) are never late, everything runs like clockwork and there is someone employed to do every possible thing to make life easier and run more smoothly. Even the homeless people here are tidy and efficient, with their well packed trolleys and neat clothes.

Also for all those rugby fans out there, we thought we'd give you a taste of a Japanese rugby (and soccer) pitch. We've joined a sports club here that caters for rugby, touch, soccer, hockey and a range of other sports. It's also got a gym so we're slowly getting back in shape after a couple of slack months. The grounds at this club (and most others around here) consist of concrete covered with sand. Apparently it's very difficult and expensive to grow grass here. While acceptable for soccer, it tends to make rugby an even more punishing sport than usual. Looking forward to my first game...

Goodbye Curry, Hello Sushi!

Shout Outs

First up we'd just like to just say a big thank you for the hospitality we received in Pune and Mumbai. Thanks Suku and Shanta for letting us stay with you and feeding us so very, very well for the whole time we were in Pune. Also thanks to the Menons (relations of the Sukumarans) for treating us so well and putting us up for our two days in Mumbai. And thanks to Abhay and Shama (friends of the Sukumarans who have visited us in NZ) for taking us out for a nice meal while we were in Pune.



Pune

After the frantic pace of our trip, it was nice to get to the Sukumarans home in Pune and just relax for a bit. It was also hard not to relax, with all the delicious food and plush surroundings they provided us with! We did absolutely nothing for our first day there, apart from reading, eating and relaxing. The second day we added table tennis to that list. Talk about stressful.

We finally got back into it on the third day with an early bus ride to Aurangabad, about five hours away. We were on quite a tight schedule to get everything done we wanted to so after checking into our accommodation we were straight off to the local bus terminal. After a bit of confusion (and lots of hand signals) we found the bus we wanted and headed off to the Ellora Caves. These are quite a sight to behold, as temples, chapels and caves have been carved into massive rock faces over hundreds of years. The most impressive temple (out of the 34) took 7000 labourers 150 years to carve out! There are three groups of caves (Buddhist, Hindu and Jain), each with their own distinctive style. The Hindu ones are by far the most elaborate and decorative, where the Buddhists and Jains preferred a more minimalist approach. All are very impressive to see.

After staying the night in Aurangabad (and demolishing a whole tandoori chicken in delicious masala sauce), we were up early to make the two hour trip out to the Ajanta Caves. These are similar to the Ellora Caves, although they all are Buddhist. The unique feature at Ajanta is that paintings adorn many of the walls and ceilings. These caves and temples were possibly even harder to produce as they have been cut into steep rock faces, instead of the sloping rock of Ellora. Often the structures that they built were carved from the top down. Planning that sort of thing must've been a nightmare.

After arriving back from Aurangabad, we also got a guided tour of Pune from Suku. This included a trip to a museum that housed one man's collection of over 20,000 Indian artifacts. It had all kinds of bits and pieces but the musical instruments were particularly impressive (picture a sitar with 30 or 40 strings). We also checked out the hustle and bustle of Old Pune's narrow streets and large markets, which included a stop off to get a bunch of tasty Indian sweets. These were later devoured, along with a few Kingfishers, while watching NZ collapse against Sri Lanka in the World Cup.

Mumbai

... or Bombay as everyone still calls it. Seeing as we had such a good time in Pune we only gave Bombay one night. We stayed with Shanta's niece Lili, her husband Madhavan and son Shankar. They were really cool and looked after us very well. Lili had a really good art exhibition in Colaba, which is a nice area of the city by the sea which we went to visit on the first day. It was strange to be in a modern city by the sea after being in desert towns for much of our trip. Bombay is the most "happening" city in India, not so segregated by sex or class and home to many major businesses as well as all the movie stars. The population there is 16.6 million, that's 4 times the population of New Zealand (or 1,333 times the population of Gore, in case you were wondering). Our first afternoon there we checked out Lili's art exhibition (which was very cool!) and wandered down Colaba Causeway by the sea. Saw the India Gate and were accosted by upwards of 40 keen entrepreneurs trying to sell us everything under the sun. We had a late lunch at a Leopold's cafe, where we saw more foreigners than the rest of the trip combined! Shows you the power of being listed in Lonely Planet!

The following day we went for a walk up Malabar Hill that overlooked the city and then went back to Colaba with Shankar to pick up some last minute cheap shopping (the last chance we will get for a while) and see some more of the city. After yet another brilliant lunch we got a taxi to the airport to catch our plane to KL and ultimately Japan. They tell you to be at the airport 3 hours before your flight which we thought was heaps of time. People started lining up for the flight even before that, so by the time we joined the line it was snaking way back into the terminal. After an hour and then some we got to the ticket counter only to find out that we had to have our bags X-rayed first (trust me, there was no sign or mention of this anywhere!). So 45 minutes in the X-ray line to prove my guitar and Marcus's camera tripod were not automatic weapons, we managed to push our way to the front of the ticket line (it was still to the back of the terminal and we were in no mood to line up again!). We made it through OK in the end, just seemed like India didnt want to let us go without one final crack at us!

India - All Done!

Yep, we've done it and come out the other end in one piece! It was a totally different trip than our S.E. Asian experience. A more conservative culture and government prohibition meant there were no debauched nights of drinking, and it has been the most meat-free 3 weeks either of us have ever had. Vegetarian dishes in India are much cheaper, taste just as good and are less likely to make you sick.

I dont want to sound like one of those cliche toting travel writers, but it's been a trip of contrasts and extremes. India is very much split between the rich and the poor, the latter who can be seen begging and living in the streets in all of the places we visited. 350 - 400 million people here live under the poverty line. You can pay $10 to travel 1,000km in the cheap seats of a train, or hundreds to do it in elaborate luxury (we went for the cheap seats of course). We've seen some of the greatest structures ever built and walked through some of the worst slums in the world. People have attempted to scam us, rob us and rip us off, yet the highlight has been meeting some of the most friendly and generous people that we've ever met in our lives.

The place is huge and if you really need to make multiple trips or one really long one to see the whole country properly. The size of the country and population really puts your little island nation at the bottom of the world into perspective. There are 7 million new broadband connections established here each month. The largest scotch distributor, who only distributes in India is also the 3rd largest in the world!

Cricket

For our European and American friends, this is the sport with the square bats and the 3 sticks in the ground. At the time of writing this the Cricket World Cup is in progress and New Zealand is looking like a contender for the finals. Cricket is the biggest sport in India, you could possibly go as far as saying it's the biggest thing in India after Bollywood. Unfortunately India were knocked out of the tournament in the first round, which is a pity as a victory celebration here would be a site to see! Anyway, walking round India many of the locals will strike up a conversation with the line "What is your country". When you reply "New Zealand" their faces light up as they start to rattle off names of the NZ cricket team and tell us that New Zealand will win the World Cup. You can talk cricket for hours here if you want. We were in a restaurant the other night just as NZ vs Ireland was starting. The restaurant owner asked us where we were from, we told him New Zealand, you would have thought we told him we were from the royal family or something! He quickly arranged his staff to crank on a TV with the match, find the English comm entry (loud enough to drown the restaurant music) and seated us both in prime viewing positions, re-locating the fan to make sure we were comfortable! It's a good time to be a kiwi here!


The Slick Slugs

Here are the final shots of our three week efforts. As an added bonus we've also been growing our hair so we could pull off the slick look that often accompanies a dirty mo in these parts! Alas, our face fungus is now gone, but fear not, as it may make a comeback in some other part of the world...

The Marcus and Kev Travel Awards - India

Best Beer Category: 1. Kingfisher..... that's it, that's all there was!

Best Food Category: 1. Masala Dosa, 2. The Rest - it was all so good!

Most Impressive Category: 1. Taj Mahal, 2. Ellora and Ajanta Caves, 3= Jaipur Fort, 3= The 'staches

Best Local Experience Category: 1. Suku and Shanta's!, 2. Camel Trek in Jaisalmer, 3. Riding on the local buses

Worst Experience Category: 1. Delhi Belly, 2. The Jaipur - Jaisalmer Train Abomination, 3. Crazy Beggar in Jaipur

Best Value Category: 1. Train Tickets, 2. Food, 3. Public Buses

Best City Category: 1. Jaisalmer, 2. Pune, 3. Mumbai

The Stats:

Days: 21
Distance Travelled: 2,752.46km
Time Spent Travelling: 68 hours
Money Spent: $375.00 US each
Beer Consumed: 6 Litres each (KL Airport is currently threatening to top this due to the unlimited beer available in the club lounge!)
Days we didn't drink alcohol: 17
Days on which we ate meat: 6
Avg Temp in Day: 38-42 C
Avg Temp at Night: 24-26 C
Days of Rain: 0
Average amount of personal space in public areas: 3cm
Number of attempted scams: 12
Number of approaches by beggars: 396
Nights in the same bed: 21 (it's single or double only here... cosy)

No Worry, No Hurry, Chicken Curry

The unofficial motto of India, and it does sum it up nicely. The Indian rail network is a very useful way of getting around India, if you know how it works. Here's an example of an experience we had the other day...

Choo Choo!

We needed to get from Jaipiur to Jaisalmier, which is a small town on the edge of the dessert from where we intended to go camel trekking. Our ever-useful Lonely Planet told us that there was a train, #4059 that went from Jaipur to Jaisalmer daily at 11:45pm and took 13 hours. Easy we thought and went down to the train booking office in the morning. We filled out the form correctly and pushed our way into the queue (at the stations here the rule is "Push in or get pushed out"). We were issued tickets, yet they did not say what our seat or carriage number was, only that they were "reserved". The nice man at the counter told us to go across to the station and confirm our tickets with the station master within half an hour. So we went across to the Station Master who told us, no you have to confirm your seats half an our before the train leaves..!

We assumed that all was cool, so did our day in Jaipuir then went to the train station around 11pm, here is how the rest of the night unfolded:

11:00pm - We went to the Tourist Help Office to make sure we were doing the right thing, they said to report to the Station Master in Office 16.

11:02pm - Went to the Station Master, he spoke little English, looked at our ticket, picked up his phone pressed some buttons, put it back down, smiled at us and said "OK".

11:10pm - No luck communicating with the Station Master so we went back to the Tourist Office. "Oh, you need to go to Office 13" (same guy).

11:15pm - Office 13. Closed

11:20 - We went to the platform where the train was boarding hoping our names and mysterious seat numbers were on the board. They were'nt so we decided to just wait for the train. After a while we caught sight of an electronic info board that said the 4059 at 11:15pm was now due at 1:15am!

12:30am - After sitting in a waiting room for what seemed like for ever we went back down to the Station Master's Office, there was a new guy there who told us that we should have gone and picked up our tickets at another station 5km down the road! But dont worry, just get on the train and ask an officer.

1:00am - We went back to the platform, the board now informed us that the train was due at 1:30am.

1:25am - Train is now due at 1:45am

2:05am - Train Arrives. We were in a sleeper car, although we had no idea which one and they were spread all across the train. Ran through them all and couldnt see a spare bed. The train started moving, at least we were on it. We got to the end of the last sleeper car and found an officer. We werent on his list, he said we must be in the other sleeper cars at the other end of the train, we would need to change at the next stop. We sat crunched around our gear next to the toilets.

3:15am -The train stopped in the middle of no where. The guard told us we could get out and change cars. The platform was dark, and hardly anyone was getting off the train, most cars doors were locked. We ran down the platform, it was too dark to read the signs on the cars. We found one where we could see beds and jumped on just before the train took off again. We walked through 4 cars, finally found an officer who (thank god) had our names on his list. We had beds right next to where we had jumped on! Walked back through the 4 cars and there were people in our beds. After some argument between them, the officer and Marcus (I was too tired and had been accosted by some guy who kept telling me he worked in a bank!). The people in our beds had swapped so they could be close to friends. It was unclear where the beds they had left were. We said we were happy to take them, just *^&%& tell us so we can lie down and go to sleep!

3:30am - The officer finally found our beds and we got to sleep.

That was most of the drama. Other highlights included the family of 6 that moved onto the bed opposite mine the next day who had some fairly "lively" kids. The multiple beggars that wake you up to ask for money. My favourite was when we hit the dessert. There are no windows, only bars, and sand and dust went through the whole train. It was everywhere, in our ears, in our bags even in the ceiling fans!

At the time it wasnt much fun, but pretty funny to look back on! However Karma pulled through for us because Jaisalmer was a great place, the best yet. It is only a small town of 60,000 people but there was no rubbish, it didnt smell and we got a sweet hook-up with a guest house that was mega cheap and sorted us out with everything we needed. Jaisalmer is very pretty, all the buildings are made of sand stone so it has a golden look to it. It has the mandatory "fort on a hill" that all Rajastan cities seem to have which looks really nice lit up at night.

Into The Desert

We headed off from Jaisalmer about 8am in the back of a standard issue Jeep, complete with broken exhaust and a roof designed to house midgets (great for the bumpy roads we were about to encounter). After about 30 or 40 kms we met up with our rides for the next couple of days, Charlie and Ramajan, two large and personable camels. Mine spent most of the time eating and trying to run faster than the others. A bit like me I guess. Kev's was the funny guy who kept pulling random stunts unexpectedly. A bit like him too.

After saddling up, our guides, Ramdan and Ali, led us off into the desolate expanse that is the Thar Desert. The landscape here was not completely devoid of life, as some of the African deserts are. Along the way there is a fair bit of plant life and animal life (including camels, lizards and big beetles). It is, however, desolate enough that I'm not entirely sure how our guides managed to navigate between the occasional marker and obvious trails. While we were slightly surprised to see that they had cell phone reception in the desert, I'm pretty sure they weren't using GPS.

The first stop we made was for lunch and we were only just able to climb off the saddle, with our legs still locked in position, unwilling to straighten. Needless to say our sore arses were thankful for the rest. Ramdan cooked us up a tasty feed of vegetarian curry and chapatis (unleavened round breads).

After lunch and a long siesta, we set off for our night stop, which was an immense set of sand dunes in the middle of the desert. The camels promptly did what all males do after a long day, they lay down in the sand, scratched their balls with their tails and farted loudly. The dunes were quite an amazing site, with sand as far as the eye could see. A perfect spot to kill a chicken for dinner perhaps. So that's what Ramdan did for us. Ali ended up having to travel for 3 hours non-stop (while we were having lunch) to find a village that had chickens but he found one. And it was delicious. This was actually only the second time we'd eaten meat since being in India. The most surprising part is that not only are we not fading away and nearing death (as I was certain must happen), we actually haven't missed it that much since the vegetarian food here is so good. There are lots of tasty lentils and legumes packed with protein to keep us healthy too.

So after a tasty cup of chai, a nice sunset and a huge meal we fell asleep underneath a starry sky in the middle of the sand dunes. I could certainly think of worse things to be doing. It was a very relaxing experience, as it was unbelievably quiet out there. Way off in the distance we could hear some beating drums as a small village celebrated something into the night and there were a few animals around but that was about it really. Except for Kev's camel, which kept farting all through the night.

The following day was similar, except there were brief bouts of agony and a swim in a small lake in the middle of the desert. The agony was due to our sore arses bouncing around whenever they made the camels pick up the pace and jog for a bit! Luckily, it was never for too long and only in the morning, before it got too hot for the camels to be running. We ended up back at the hotel at about 5pm and, despite having a very enjoyable time in the desert with our cool camels, we were glad that we had taken the two-day option and not the three... or four.

More Trains!

We got a bus from Jaisalmer to Jodphur. We had found a train on the Internet that went from Jodphur to Pune, our next destination. Unfortunately upon turning up we found out this train only went on Tuesdays. It was Thursday. So we found a train that went to Mumbai, where Pune was only a 4 hour bus ride so we tried to book that. The lady told me that the train was full and we had to go on the waiting list, numbers 13 and 14 in the queue. We were a bit worried as the train left in 3 hours but we took. We promptly went to the station to check where you confirmed your ticket (we didnt want any more hassels as this was a 20 hour train), and the guy at the office told us our tickets were confirmed and gave us our seat numbers! I dont know how we jumped 14 places on waiting list and got seats on a full train in the space of 5 minutes but we werent going to argue! Fortunately this train ride went without a hitch, got to Mumbai then found a bus to Pune. Great Success!

The Dirty Mo's

Here's the latest incarnation of our stupendous 'staches. These photos were actually taken a couple of days ago, so there's plenty more to come before the final installment. This time we've gone for the sifty, seedy look, which we think complements our wispy growth well. We've also got a little surprise in store for the final photos. Don't forget to tune in next time...

Camels, a Famous Building and the Dreaded Delhi Belly

Agra

Agra is an amazing city that perhaps best epitomises the whole of India. Nestled in amongst some of the worst slums, messiest streets and poorest people sits some of the most amazing architecture in the world. We spent the best part of a day seeing it all but I suspect we could have spent a lot longer if we had the time. Our first major stop was the Agra Fort (Lal Qila). This was unfortunate actually because we found out later our ticket would have been free had we done it last. Never mind, it was well worth it. This walled palace actually contains several huge buildings across its sprawling, well-kept grounds. The site of the fort has been round for nearly a millennium, however the majority of the building we see today was completed in 1573 with extensive modifications carried out in the 1600's. It is incredible to see it in such good condition after so many years. The buildings have all been tastefully and thoughtfully designed using red sandstone and white marble. After seeing all the intricate gold and gemstone inlays and the amazing carving, it is not difficult to see how it took 4000 workers eight years just to get it to the state it was in by 1573! There is also some pretty impressive engineering, considering when it was built. They had a water wheel set up that fed water from the river into three large copper tanks on the roof of the palaces. These tanks then fed water all around the buildings to supply bathrooms, kitchens and even fountains. Doesn't sound that amazing perhaps until you remember that this wasn't done in a wood frame house, where you can just gib over all your plumbing. The extensive supply lines were all carved into marble! Even the copper fountains had all been permanently embedded in the tonnes of white marble. Amazing stuff.

Just down the river and in view from Agra Fort sits what is billed as the "greatest monument to love ever built". Representing the pinnacle of Mughal architecture, the Taj Mahal really is one of those things you need to see with your own eyes. It is absolutely exquisite. The grounds are excellent, the entrance gates and surrounding buildings are perfectly matched and the building itself is stunning. Made almost entirely of brilliant white marble, the exterior and interior are also decorated with incredible inlay and carving work. With the architecture or other sights that we've seen up to this point (Angkor Wat excluded), once we've done the walk around and checked it all out, we're off, having seen enough. After having a good look around the entire grounds at the Taj Mahal, we sat down on the nicely manicured lawns for the remainder of the afternoon and watched the sun set on the masterpiece before us. Haha, romantic eh?

Then it was out the West Gate and back to the other side of Agra. Ten seconds after having walked out the gate, three loaded up camels wandered past us on the street. Just up the road there was a group of twenty or so people dancing and jumping around to the beat of a drum and a lady carrying a massive pile of wood... on her head. Next to that there was a guy pissing on the wall of a building and two more spitting. The guys spit everywhere, all the time, because they chew this stuff that leaves their teeth stained red and rotting. Looks like they've been punched in the mouth when they smile. The ladies must love it. This is one crazy, crazy place.

The Delhi Belly 12-hour Weight Loss Express Programme

Are you sick and tired of fad diets that just dont work? Well forget Aitkens, forget Weight Watchers and forget that one where you eat cabbage for a month that was in the New Weekly, have I got the weight loss system for you! The Delhi Belly 12-hour Weight Loss Express Programme can be purchased for the price of a cheap curry and a lassi in a dirty glass, just follow these 5 simple steps and you will be guaranteed to loose at least 2-3kg in the space of 12 hours! (Individual results may vary).

Preparation:

1. The day before the diet eat as much dodgy curry and drink from as many dirty glasses as you can. This can be done easily and cheaply enough at most Indian food outlets.
2. Make sure there is a clear path between your bed and the bathroom, preferably a short, straight line.

Method:

1. At 5am sharp, report to the bathroom to begin the programme.
2. Your stomach will begin to evacuate all food matter and bodily fluids from your system, prepare for simultaneous expulsions from multiple exits.
3. Splash some water on your face and mutter some inaudible profanities about India and curry.
4. Crawl back to your bed, spend the next 30-40 minutes drifting in and out of sleep/hallucinations about Dr Suess books.
5. Repeat steps 2 through 4 until 5:30 that evening.

Optional:

After step 3 mumble to a friend or acquaintance that it would be just grand if they went out and got you a water or a lemonade (Thanks Marcus!).

After this little experience I was so dehydrated that I couldn't even sweat! Lucky it only lasted a short time!


Jaipur

After our day lost to the diet we went to get on a bus for Jaipur. The guy selling the tickets said he had a friend driving down in a car, it would only be 40 extra ruppees and would be 2 hours faster, + we wouldnt have to worry about our luggage going walkies. Sounded good so we jumped in a car (a tiny Honda City type thing which everyone who has a car here drives) along with Fillipo an Italian dude going the same way. Well, we pulled out of the depot and straight into a parade, I think some Hindu celebration. This stopped traffic completely, and it was a busy day. Our driver decided that he wasnt waiting so he started going the wrong way down the other side of the road, along with some other traffic. There was a police officer stopping all the traffic going the wrong way who went absolutely ballistic at our driver, I mean he just lost the plot and screamed, our driver in turn just screamed back at him. So now all the other traffic had started going the wrong way, and there we were, turned around going the right way into a throng of cars going the wrong way being yelled at by this cop. Long story short it took nearly 90 minutes to go 1km, entertaining none the less! So we thought the drama was over and started to nod off. Our driver would have none of this and must have been determined to make up the lost time. He had the foot down the whole way, he would speed right up to the back of a truck, sit on the horn, slow down at the last minute until the truck gave him a few centimetres then he would swing out and pass. More often than not there would be a vehicle coming the other way who we would avoid by a matter of centimetres and split seconds. During the whole trip I thought we were certain to crash 4 times, and once I seriously thought we were going to die as the car with all four wheels locked up slid into a head-on with two buses, also with the brakes locked. God, Shiva, Ganeesh or someone must have been watching as we somehow slid through a slight gap between one of the buses and the median barrier.

After our little adventure we had a happening Saturday night in Jaipur which consisted of dinner then writing our dairies on the roof of our hotel and bed at 10pm (this place has no night life). Next day (today) we decided to wander the city and check out the sights. There is the original town here which is semi walled off. It's called the pink city, but that seems to have slipped a little in past years as I would call the colour "dirty peach". The walk there revealed more of the dire poverty that exists here, the footpaths here are used as toilets, rubbish bins and somewhere to sleep and live! There are so many beggars who are really persistent, the problem is you can give one some rupees but a few seconds later there will be another one tugging your sleeve. At times you get a bit pissed of being the walking dollar sign, it seems everyone is trying to either sell you something, beg from you or rob you. But if you look how many of people here live and the lack of opportunity they have, you can hardly blame them!

Anyway Ghandi... The old city was quite cool, lots of little shops. We saw a tower that our guidebook said you could climb. After walking through a back alley through a parking lot and asking someone it turned out that the entrance was an un-marked, non-descript door next to a building supply shop! The view from the top was worth it though. After that we ran into some guys who just wanted to talk to foreigners and try their English. Felt a bit bad as at first gave them the usual brush-off, but they were quite informative and showed us some of the palaces. We ran into one old guy who was nuts (like seriously crazy in the coconut). He followed us for 10 minutes yelling at us to give him a cigarette and grabbing us! It was the most annoying run-in we've had yet and if I was at home I would have knocked him over after a bit, but that's not the done thing here, luckily he finally found someone else to yell at and we escaped.

After lunch we thought it would be fun to climb 2km up a hill in 40 degree heat to Tiger Fort, the old fort and Maharaja's palace of the city. Was a hot steep climb but worth it as the views were awesome! There were plenty of old battlements to climb and we went for a look in the palace where a guy showed us round. Basically the Maharajah lived there with his 9 wives, lucky bugger. Each wife/queen had their own apartment which were all linked by this one passage the Maharajah used when he was on the prowl. Much of the painting there had hidden patterns from the Khama Sutra which our guide enthusiastically pointed out to us, I wont go into detail on here though.